Everyone has those days. You woke up late. You forgot your cup of coffee. That text message tells you some bad news. You forget to pick up dinner. There are some days when we feel like every part of our lives are spinning out of control, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Sometimes it is self induced. Other times, our lives spin out of control because of things we never had control of in the first place. Most days, we like to think we have a sense of control over our lives and situations. Other days, we come to realize that we can’t really control our situations, but we can control how to react to them.
I’ve learned (the hard way) that there are some ways that we can choose to react when life is spinning out of control. These are lessons that I have learned over the years that I still need to get better at.
Here are five ways that you can react when life is spinning out of control:
Be the Calmest Person in the room
This one is the easiest to say, but harder to practice. When life is spinning out of control - you get mad, anxious, critical, and defensive. It is our natural human instinct. We have a desire for fight or flight. I have never met anyone who likes to be at the center of disaster (except for my kids at home!). When you choose to be the calmest person in the room, you make a decision on how everyone else is going to respond to the crisis. You will find that the people around you will follow your example - whether you are complaining and criticizing or being peaceful and persistent. Of course, there will be those who react louder than you. It is better to let it go instead of join them in their reaction. By doing so, you remind everyone that you DO have the control over how you react to an uncontrollable situation.
Some of the best leaders that I have met are passionate, but calm in the midst of crisis. They set the tone for everyone around them. They encourage both hope and reality. They work towards a solution by doing the right thing.
Most of all - being the calmest person in the room takes a great deal of spiritual and emotional discipline. If we are to be the calmest people in the room, we need to understand that at the end of the day, we are beloved children of God. No weapon can be formed against the power of God’s love for us.
Be extremely grateful and graceful
No one likes a person who is selfish - especially when it comes from someone who considers themselves to be a follower of Jesus. Even in our worst days, we have something to be grateful for. Your health, your kids, your marriage, your singleness, the roof over your head or the the ability to be breathing. No matter what, we can always recognize that God is faithful in all that he says and all that he does.
What are you grateful for? What brings you joy? Focusing on these things in the midst of really hard times can remind us of what we have and who we are as human beings. Before our jobs or roles, we are first and foremost children of God.
As we are children of God, it is also important for us to remember that the people that are helping our lives spin out of control are ALSO children of God. Yes, they may have made some mistakes - so do you. Yes, they may be acting out of hand or unreasonable. Even when that happens, it doesn’t mean that we need to give them the wrath that they think they deserve. As followers of Jesus, we are called to act in both grace and truth.
Stand up for yourself
Number three is not in opposition to number 2, but in additional to it. It is possible to both be someone who is unselfish and someone who stands up for themselves. Jesus never says we should be people who are constantly being pushed over and abused by others. Instead, we are supposed to turn the other cheek (stand up for yourself) and trust that God will provide for us.
When life is spiraling out of control, it can be easy to try to make it right with all of your energy and resources. You want to protect your family. You want to be a great neighbor. You want to be good at your job and fix it. It is important to remember that you can only do so much in one day. Take time to refresh and refuel by remembering the goodness of God in your life.
Take time for Solitude
One of the ways we can refresh, renew, and refuel is in times of solitude and reflection. Confession: I love the IDEA of this. So much. But the reality is, I am just as bad about taking time for solitude as the next person. In fact, the more life spirals out of control, the less I even think about taking time for solitude. I mean, who would take time off when something needs to be fixed this moment!
It isn’t according to our nature to head into solitude when life gets rough. And yet, it is crucial to take time for solitude and silence when we are in the thick of a crisis. Maybe you just need to start with 15 minutes of sitting in silence, or taking a short walk (no AirPods or earbuds for podcasts or music), or simply taking time to listen to God. Personally, I have been taking a day or two retreat once every quarter to get my priorities in order. The most hectic life gets, the more I need solitude to be reminded of my mission, purpose, and relationships that I need to invest in.
Clearly communicate your feelings
It is easy to assume that when your life is spinning out of control, everyone knows that your life is spinning out of control. The reality is, most of the time people only know what they see and hear from you. Sure, there are signs that things are spinning out of control, but the people you work with aren’t mind readers. Your family may not know everything going on in your heart and mind.
That is why it is important to clearly communicate your feelings with those that need to hear what is going on. For me, I have an amazing group of men that I meet with every week for an hour or so. We talk about all the things going on in our lives. What we are feeling and experiencing, no matter how silly or aggravating it may be.
Sometimes it is just good to get things off your chest. Other times, the people around you will hear what is going on and say, “wow, I had no idea.” Most people that I have met enjoy vulnerability and honesty in what is going on in life - especially the people that may have an impact in the spiral that is going on.
Take a risk, be bold, and clearly communicate your feelings. Set up a meeting with your boss. Take your spouse out to dinner and have a conversation. Take a walk with your kids or parents and let them know what you are feeling. Pick up the phone and call or FaceTime a close friend or family member. It sounds like I am being a counselor right now, but it works! Clearly communicate your feelings. You may come to a resolution, but even if you don’t, at least you are being honest about what is going on.
Remember — you can’t control everything In your life, but you can always control how you react to what is thrown at you. Most of the time, you will be reacting to something negative in your life, whether it is really big or really small. The choice is yours. You get to choose how you react when life is spinning out of control.